Mr. Flynn on Ice
by Shmee
Summary: "Lightning Foot" Jerry Flynn crosses paths with Taka and Funaki at the Ice Capades. Trouble ensues.


Mr. Flynn on Ice  
  
**************  
  
Uniondale, Long Island, New York  
  
Sitting in the fabulous, yet distinctively smelly, Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum is  
none other than the world famous prince of shoot fighting, "Lightning Foot" Jerry Flynn.   
Good ol' JF is enjoying a presentation of the Ice Capades, a celebration of ice skating.   
As always, anywhere from two to six beautiful virginal late-teenage women surround Mr.  
Flynn, admiring his killer haircut and stunning good looks.  
  
"Mr. Flynn, how do you keep your hair so straight and well-managed?", asks one of the  
Flynn groupies.  
  
"Babe, once I cut my mullet, my hair just kind of froze that way out of pure shock of  
losing the mullet.", Flynn replies, one hand in a tub of popcorn, the other up the skirt of  
another Flynn groupie.  
  
"Oh, Mr. Flynn!", the numerous Flynn groupies all yelp at once.  
  
"Jerry....", says the groupie who looks strangely like pop-sensation Britney Spears,  
"....let's ditch these tramps and I can show yousome of my best moves."  
  
Britney leans over and shoves her cleavage in Mr. Flynn's face.  
  
"Oops! I did it again!"  
  
"Mmmph.....mmm......mm-hmmm......", responds Mr. Flynn.  
  
Suddenly, the lights go out on the ice and a spotlight shines on a lone figure, dressed in a  
clown outfit.  
  
"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!! WELCOME TO.....THE.....ICE.....CAPADES!!!!"  
  
"Yay!", yells Mr.Flynn, pushing that hussy Britney out of the way, "Finally, I can take a  
break from saving the world, winning shoot-fights against wild grizzly bears, and posing  
for G.Q. magazine and just enjoy some good, wholesome, family entertainment!"  
  
Multi-colored lights come back on as many of ice-skatings' top stars entertain the crowd  
by thrusting their crotches in each others faces.  
  
Then,...........it happens!  
  
A loud booming noise erupts from the ice as the New York Islanders scoreboard comes  
crashing down from the rafters! The ice skaters panic and scatter into the stands! Mr.  
Flynn jumps out of his seat and flies through the air with the greatest of ease down to the  
ice to investigate.  
  
"My God! Who or what dastardly fiendish fellow would commit such a heinous crime as  
to disgrace the legendary mediocre NHL team known as the New York Islanders?   
Villain, show thyself!"  
  
Out of nowhere, two small men carrying flagpoles and wearing blue shirts with Japanese  
writing on them jump out from the top of the fallen scoreboard! Mr. Flynn doesn't see  
them, and for the first time since his legendary shoot-fights with the Big Bossman, The  
Lightning Foot is caught offguard as he is pelted with two swift kicks to the nads.  
  
"*Guh!*...ooooohhhhhhhh.....", Mr. Flynn slowly falls to the ice, holding his private  
parts. He looks up to see the two men, Taka Michonuku and Sho Funaki, two members  
of Kaenti, jumping up and down and celebrating.  
  
"HA-HA-HA-HA!" , Taka says, his lips moving out of sync with the words being spoken,  
"We have defeated you, Lightning Foot Jerry Flynn! Our plan worked to perfection!   
Now, we shall be known as the men with the Lightning Feet of Death, because we are  
EVIL!!! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!"  
  
Taka and Funaki continue to celebrate as Mr. Flynn slowly gets up and rubs his head. He  
looks into a broken piece of glass from the scoreboard and is amazed at what he sees!   
Oh God no, a strand of Mr. Flynn's hair has fallen out of place! Mr. Flynn begins to  
erupt with anger!  
  
"You big stupid dummies! How could you? It's one thing to try and take away my  
moniker of being the man with the Lightning Feet of Death. Pal, it's an entirely different  
story to try and take away my Lightning Looks of Steel! It's on like neck-bone now!   
Enguard!"  
  
"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! You fool! You can not defeat us! We are two warriors and you  
are but one man! Prepare....to.....DIE!!!!"  
  
"IN-DEED!"  
  
Taka and Funaki charge Mr. Flynn, but the cunning and ruggedly good looking Mr. Flynn  
side steps Taka at the same time as laying in an open hand chop into Funaki's  
midsection. Funaki falls down as Taka turns around and charges right into a back elbow  
from Mr. Flynn. Mr. Flynn stand victorious over the diabolical duo.  
  
Mr. Flynn lets out a hearty laugh. "Sorry chums, but nobody gets the jump on me twice.   
It would look bad in my Hollywood portfolio."  
  
Taka and Funaki kick Mr. Flynn's legs out from under him and head into the stands. Mr.  
Flynn gets back up and shakes his head.  
  
"Shocking! These two evil midgets have surprised me not once, but twice. Well, we  
can't have that. I will have my revenge."  
  
Mr. Flynn leaps over the hockey boards and follows Taka and Funaki into the stands.   
Making his way through a mass of sexually questionable ice skating fans, Mr. Flynn  
catches up to Taka and Funaki towards the middle of the stands. Taka and Funaki are  
pretty fast, but Mr. Flynn is as quick as Lightning!  
  
"Gotcha!" Flynn grabs Funaki by his blue shirt and kicks him in the back of the head.   
Funaki very nearly goes tumbling down the steps back to the arena floor but Mr. Flynn  
catches him in time.  
  
"You may be my enemy, evil one, but I could not just stand there and watch you die,  
especially by my hands." Mr. Flynn pats Funaki on the back as Taka clenches his fists  
ready to attack. "Instead, I shall just break every bone in your body!"  
  
Mr. Flynn grabs Funaki, presses him over his head, and tosses him into Taka. As Taka  
and Funaki collect themselves, Mr. Flynn makes his way towards them. A peanut vendor  
gets in Mr. Flynn's way, but instead of pushing him out of the way, Mr. Flynn  
thoughtfully picks him up and places him down on the side and out of harms way.  
  
"There there, my vendoring fan. Wouldn't want you to get hurt and deprive the rest of  
my fans here the joys of eating peanuts."  
  
Mr. Flynn gives the vendor a clever wink of the eye and turns around, only to have Taka  
kick him in the face. Mr. Flynn is stunned! Funaki takes this opportunity to grab the tray  
of peanuts from the vendor and throws it at Mr. Flynn! Within a micro-fraction of a  
second, Mr. Flynn turns and kicks the flying tray into the air and it land right back into  
the hands of the vendor! Awesome!  
  
Mr. Flynn gives the vendor yet another cunning wink of the eye and takes off after Taka  
and Funaki, who have escaped into the concession area.  
  
Taka and Funaki quickly duck into a women's bathroom stall before Mr. Flynn sees  
them......or so they thought. You see, not only is "Lightning Foot" Jerry Flynn a killing  
machine with a swank haircut, GQ man of the year, and a rolemodel for young children  
and old farts, but he also has LIGHTNING X-Ray vision! Little do Taka and Funaki  
realize this.  
  
"*gasp*.....So.....*gasp*.....we have outsmarted the Lightning Foot once  
again!......*huff*......A man of his character and morals would never go running into a  
women's bathroom........*gasp*.....victory is ours!"  
  
"IN.......*gasp*.....DEED....."  
  
Taka and Funaki are stunned as Mr. Flynn breaks through the ground in the bathroom  
after using his Lightning quick feet of death to burrow a hole underground from outside  
the bathroom to inside of it! Kicking the duo out of the stall and into a mirror, Mr. Flynn  
holds a 'Womens Bathroom' sign in his hand and lets out a hearty laugh.  
  
"No! This cannot be! A great man like yourself, Jerry Flynn, would never enter a  
women's bathroom unannounced!"  
  
"Sorry my not-so-friendly friends! You see, I have actually outsmarted you. When you  
two hooligans were not looking, I switched the gentlemen and ladies bathroom signs! I  
knew where you two were going to hide before even you did!"  
  
Taka and Funaki look at each other in awe of Mr. Flynn's intelligence and bravery.   
Slowly, they get up and brush themselves off. Mr. Flynn eyes them wearily.  
  
"We accept this defeat, Mr. Flynn. You truly are the prince of shoots and a devilishly  
handsome man. We thought we could match your superior talent, charisma, mic skills,  
and natural good looks, but we were so very wrong. Please, we offer you our hands in  
friendship....."  
  
Taka and Funaki both extend their hands. Mr. Flynn ponders it for a moment, then  
smiles and shakes their hands! Yippee! The three of them laugh and celebrate!  
  
Sudddenly, Taka and Funaki flip Mr. Flynn over, shove his head in a toilet, and flush it  
many times! They quickly run to the exit of the bathroom, and as Mr. Flynn pulls his  
head out of the toilet, the devious duo turn around and mock Mr. Flynn!  
  
"HA-HA-HA-HA!! You cannot trust us!! You can not defeat us!! Because  
we....are.....EEEEVVVIIILLLLL!!!!"  
  
"IN-DEED!!!"  
  
"HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!"  
  
Taka and Funaki run out of the exit of the Coliseum and hijack some young punks  
motor-scooter. Mr. Flynn calmly walks out of the Coliseum as well. Taka guns the  
scooter as Funaki sits on his shoulders. They turn towards Mr. Flynn and laugh again  
before taking off.  
  
"Not so fast, my fine feathered friends....."  
  
Mr. Flynn jumps into the air and unleashes a spinning roundhouse kick, but instead of  
falling back down to the ground like the laws of gravity says he should, Mr. Flynn defies  
those laws like only he could and keeps spinning and spinning! Magnetic waves  
unleashed from Mr. Flynn's Lightning Feet draw Taka and Funaki and their stolen motor  
scooter back to Mr. Flynn! In stunned amazement as Mr. Flynn floats back down to the  
pavement, Taka and Funaki cannot prepare themselves for what is about to happen next!  
  
Mr. Flynn revs up and unleashes the move that was banned from shoot-fighting  
competition in 48 out of 50 states, THE LIGHTNING KICK!!! Mr. Flynn kicks Taka so  
hard that he disappears into the moonlight, landing somewhere in New Jersey. Mr. Flynn  
turns to Funaki, who is cowering in fear, gives a sly wink of the eye, and unleashed yet  
another LIGHTNING KICK!!!  
  
"IN-----"  
  
Funaki never finishes his one line as Mr. Flynn decapitates Funaki in a  
mini-micro-fraction of a second! Funaki's head lands at Mr. Flynn's feet as the crowd  
that had gathered around to commotion lets up a cheer is appreciation of their hero! Mr.  
Flynn picks up the severed head and smiles.  
  
"Yet another decapitated victim of my Lightning Feet of Death. Add that to "Tiny" Tank  
Abbott, Evad Flair, and the not-so Mighty DI. It's such a shame that these troublemakers  
want to make a name for themselves by taking on the man who can't be taken. But, alas,  
that is life."  
  
Mr. Flynn the poet leaves and Mr. Flynn, the charismatic warrior of virtue re-enters and  
waves at all his fans that are still cheering him. Mr. Flynn lets out a final hearty laugh  
and so do his worshipers!  
  
Meanwhile, somewhere along the coastline of New Jersey, Taka Michonoku plans his  
revenge.......  
  
Step into THE BLOCK! and enter Mr. Flynn's world! 


End file.
